Just a practice interview (not for publication)

In search for the reality behind the elusive Luchtkonijn. Who is this creature, why did it emerge, what does it want, does it actually know what it's doing?

Soms begeef ik me gewoon voor de lol, om te kijken hoe het is, op het slappe koord.

- Clarice Lispector, 26 april 1969, Charlatans

Oh, how tempted I feel to give in to bad taste. In what way? Well, there is plenty of scope, endless scope. ... And when it comes to writing? Here there are great temptations because the dividing line between bad taste and truth is almost imperceptible. … Just to amuse myself or, as a simple experiment, I sometimes walk that thin line between the two.

INTERVIEWER: Welcome Luchtkonijn. I'm excited that our paths have finally crossed. How do you feel today?

LUCHTKONIJN: Quite breezy, thank you.

INTERVIEWER: Before we start, I would like to stress that this is just an informal talk. Let's call it a practice interview. There's nothing to be worried about, we'll ease into it. Be assured, I'm not going to throw any foxes at you.

LUCHTKONIJN: I love foxes. And sure, whatever works for you.

INTERVIEWER: You seem very relaxed. I thought this was your very first in depth interview?

LUCHTKONIJN: Let's say this is not my first rodeo. I don't mind bulls too.

INTERVIEWER: But you are rather new to substack, right?

LUCHTKONIJN: Yes no idea what this sub-stack is and I''m curious to find out what it will feel and smell like. But I do know my way around other stacks.

INTERVIEWER: Other stacks?

LUCHTKONIJN: In the past I have tumbled around a haystack or two, fell a couple of times straight into a smokestack, one morning when I had been travelling through the land of a thousand meadows I woke up in the middle a sheepstack. And of course, cloudstacks are my favorite, the feel, the smelll, there's nothing quite like it.

INTERVIEWER: Okay, kind of weird. But I do appreciate the funny words you make up. I've never met a rabbit with a sense of humor.

LUCHTKONIJN: I am not a rabbit.

INTERVIEWER: Are you not? I cannot tell. You are too small for the human eye to notice.

LUCHTKONIJN: Or too big.

INTERVIEWER: What do you mean?

LUCHTKONIJN: It depends on perspective. For some I’m too small, for others I’m too big, for a few just the right size.

INTERVIEWER: Yes yes very interesting, very meta, but let’s try to keep it down to earth. To summarize the facts: you are new to substack, you love foxes, bulls and clouds, you are not really visible to us and not a real rabbit. So is Sky Rabbit just a name or is there more to it?

LUCHTKONIJN: I am Luchtkonijn.

INTERVIEWER: Yes that translates to Sky Rabbit.

LUCHTKONIJN: What is your name?

INTERVIEWER: I'm just the anonymous interviewer, our audience doesn't care.

LUCHTKONIJN: I thought there was no audience, just you and me practicing?

INTERVIEWER: Uh…

LUCHTKONIJN: Just wondering why I am being renamed by an anonymous person.

INTERVIEWER: Okay fair enough, my name is Robin. And about the so called renaming, I was merely considering our mostly English-speaking audience.

LUCHTKONIJN: Sure Roodborst.

INTERVIEWER: Hey, I'm not some Dutch bird. Please let's stay on stack, I mean track! This is not about me but about you, the fictitious Sky Rabbit.

LUCHTKONIJN: I was told once that roodborstjes can be quite stubborn and thickheaded.

INTERVIEWER: Okay okay point taken. I'll address you as Luchtkonijn but do forgive my pronounciation, the Dutch 'ch' is just impossible.

LUCHTKONIJN: That's okay. My ears can be both invisible and invincible.

INTERVIEWER: Hm, this makes quite a chaotic conversation. I understand it is in your nature to hop from here to there, but let’s try to be a bit more organized. Luckily we’re just practicing, so let me start again. - And could you do me a favour?

LUCHTKONIJN: Not making any promises.

INTERVIEWER: Maybe you could try to engage our audience. You know, make your answers a bit more appealing and normal, just throw in some nice and fluffy details.

LUCHTKONIJN: Nice and fluffy?

INTERVIEWER: Let’s start again. - Welcome Luchtkonijn, could you enlighten us on why you chose this particular name?

LUCHTKONIJN: I didn’t choose, it kind of just happened.

INTERVIEWER: You mean ... you fell out of the Sky?

LUCHTKONIJN: I’m glad you’re having fun.

INTERVIEWER: Apologies, I couldn’t resist. Please continue.

LUCHTKONIJN: Sometimes the best things in life just happen. You can question it all you want but to what end? One day Luchtkonijn just unrolled into existence.

INTERVIEWER: You unrolled?

LUCHTKONIJN: Yes, like a forgotten ball of yarn. A ball of wool yarn that the cat grew bored with. An inconspicious thing that is covered in dust, laying motionless in someone's attic until a new inhabitant comes in and tries to crack open the window. It's stuck though, it opens only a couple of inches and lets in a wisp of air which doesn't allieviate the stale smell in the room but it is enough to make the ball remember. The yarn ball remembers how to move. It starts to wiggle, then tumbles over and starts to roll, slow and gentle until it hits ...

INTERVIEWER: Hey Luchtkonijn I need you to snap out of it. What's up with this wooly ball? The question was simple and straight forward: why this particular name, how did you come about choosing this?

LUCHTKONIJN: Like I said, I didn’t choose, it just hit me. It is very similar to awakening from hibernation. Do you know this feeling, when you wake up from a very deep sleep and you feel something has shifted in the world around you? As if a small thread has come loose, in that ball of yarn that is called your mind.

INTERVIEWER: I'm not sure why we keep talking about knitting materials.

LUCHTKONIJN: You asked for nice and fluffy.

INTERVIEWER: Well, yeah, nobody will understand where this interview is heading.

LUCHTKONIJN: I often don't know where I'm heading. Do you?

INTERVIEWER: Yes, of course, it’s important to have purpose! And I need this interview to be better, this lacks any kind of logical storyline! It has to make some sense.

LUCHTKONIJN: Why?

INTERVIEWER: Okay let’s calm down a bit.

(a nice moment of silence to breathe in … and out)

INTERVIEWER: I just want to understand. What it is what you do. As a professional I’d like to give our audience some more insight into this curious phenomenon. Just give us a peak into the real Luchtkonijn, will you?

(Luchtkonijn might have hopped off, the interviewer can’t see)

INTERVIEWER: Okay bye bye! Good practice today! Same place, same time tomorrow?

There's a lot of things one can't understand. But why should everything be exactly as one is used to having it? - Moomin